1. Hipsters cringe at Stuckism because it’s not muzak.
2. Edgeworth Band can’t get a gig because it’s not muzak.
3. I only have 4 OnlyFans subscribers, despite only charging $4.99 per month all inclusive, because contemporary man has been so conditioned, he can now only wet dream himself to muzak.
4. Local papers ignore my press release because it’s not muzak.
5. Heckel’s Horse can’t be allowed to do a solo show because it’s not muzak.
6. Alternerative indie radio stations won’t play my music because it’s not muzak.
7. Steady handed Stuckists are exhibited at the entrance because it’s muzak.
8. Sloppy handed Stuckists are exhibited above the fire extinguisher because it’s not muzak.
9. Contemporary art galleries are all just muzak.
10. Anything with rent to pay is muzak.
11. Anything with mouths to feed is muzak.
12. ‘Turn that shit off!’ is the only contemporary response to anything that isn’t muzak.
13. All you can say on Twitter is muzak.
14. Today’s apparent counter culture, radical, avant-garde, challenging, subversive etc. is all muzak.
15. Whatever isn’t black and white is painted black and white because black and white is muzak.
16. Nothing’s fit for publication until every move’s been overly considered, branded and white-wash edited to ensure anything that isn’t muzak is muzak.
17. 2022’s muzak is the failure the 1999 Stuckist manifesto warned of, and of which The Other Muswell Hill Stuckist shall never fear.
18. 2022’s Black Ivory Printmaking & Audio Club is the 21st century’s 15th century fine art renaissance.
19. The only thing anyone will be seen dead dancing to muzak.
20. The Other Muswell Hill Stuckists are your only refuge from the relentless death spiral of muzak.
Edgeworth Johnstone of The Other Muswell Hill Stuckists.